Elizabeth July 31st, 2007

I’m really glad that I discovered The Fishbowl tonight, before writing my autopsy of last night’s Big Brother Finale. Not only has Charles saved me the time and energy of putting the disaster into words myself, but he summed it up with more humour than I could have mustered. My spirit is officially broken, but his post said it all:

You know how the English version of The Office was funny, the way it made you cringe so much that it was stomach-churningly painful even while you were laughing your ass off? That’s how it felt watching Gretel more and more desperately trying to find ways to vamp out that last hour, her already artificial smile getting thinner and thinner as she played for time interviewing whoever stood closest to her, as they successively showed all the video packages they had prepared for the night, while the show fell apart around her.

It was frustrating. It was comical. It was an exercise in just how wrong live TV can go if you’re performing without a net. The least-watched series in the show’s history was capped by an unwatchable finale. Bravo.

Next year, I say, take another hour. Take two. Have the DJ do a whole set. Interview all the housemates again, plus every past-season housemate you can get on a last-minute hospital pass satellite hook-up. Replay every single highlight you can find in the archives. Announce who won UK Big Brother, and see if anyone notices the difference. Make the audience form conga-lines to spell out their favourite housemates. Hold an impromptu game of charades. Interview everyone again but make the entire cast and crew do a tequila shot every time someone says it was “just a great experience”, or that it “changed their life”. Show a montage of Gretel’s less fortunate wardrobe choices over Green Day’s Time of your life. Bus strippers up from the Gold Coast. Dancing bears. Contortionists. Elephants.

Read his full post at The Fishbowl, or watch the following video to see Bodie throwing a rubber chicken at Gretel’s head. Either way, it’s better than watching the show.

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