Forwarded Email of the Day
Elizabeth February 29th, 2008
I’m not sure that I quite believe the source of this letter, given that it’s full of British spelling, but it’s funny all the same!
This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best web mail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, Mr. Thatcher, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control, maniacal behaviour.
You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants…
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’
Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager male brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness – is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘ Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best, Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
Not that I would know anything about the emotions she’s describing. Nope, not me.
No, siree.
- Funny Stuff
- Comments(66)
LMFAO! That’s hysterical!
This is the type of letter I felt like writing when our GST came in and they were going to charge a tax on women’s feminine hygiene products http://www.aeufederal.org.au/Women/GSTT.html. As if having a period is good or a service!
That is awesome! I am going to have to start watching out for homicidal maniacs in Capri pants though…
As a husband who has been married to two women – that is to say, one woman who became her deranged evil sister every month – I applaud and cheer Ms. Aarons for hoisting the management and the ad agency of Procter and Gamble on their own petard for confusing the menstrual period with Valentine’s Day. What’s next, coffin linings with pictures of The Magic Kingdom?
This is pretty ridiculous. While I understand that there are plenty of women who have bad periods, there are also ways to avoid that. Try birth control in its many wondrous forms. With some, a period isn’t even required anymore. Or go see a doctor about literally taking that uterus out. In the mean time, get over it. I think the advertising PR people thought it would remind those women of better days.
Christopher: Actually, it’s you who is pretty ridiculous.
This is in response to Christopher – that is a GUYS name correct.
Dude, do yourself and any women in your life a favor – do NOT TELL WOMEN THAT THERE ARE WAYS TO AVOID IT. That is the quickest way to see how hormones can affect us as women. It starts when you are to young to know what is going on and it continues well into your 40’s or 50s. Until the day you have blood flow from your penis for 4 to 7 days a month you have no room to talk.
Kind of like the “have a happy period” I have NEVER HAD ONE and don’t expect to. My husband knows before I do when “aunt flo” is about to visit
Kudo’s to the author of the letter – I laughed so hard the first time I heard the commercial that my husband thought I lost my mind (thank GOODNESS I was NOT on my period).
Have a Happy DAY!!!
To Christopher: All condescension aside, birth control is not really a great way to manage intense periods. Any artificial hormone that tricks your body into believing that it is pregnant constantly is not healthy. There are links between the pill and cervical cancer. Do some research. Don’t even get me started on IUDs and the Depo shot. In fact, from personal experience, the experience of my friends and reading that I’ve done to inform myself, I have decided that the rhythm method used with condoms is the best option for protecting myself from pregnancy without drastically harming my body.
A better way to keep from being miserable and in pain during/immediately before your cycle is to exercise frequently (all month long), drink plenty of water (again, all month long), avoid excessive caffeine right before and during your menses, and to drink strongly brewed raspberry leaf and dong qui teas. If you visit your local health food store and peruse the tea section, you will find lots of menstrual teas with names like “Woman’s Moon Cycle.” These work excellently. My friend has terrible, terrible cramps and an excessively heavy flow; these teas, especially dong qui, worked wonders for her. They make me feel much better, too.
Great letter, though. I’m sick of the proverbial “man” telling women what they should do and how they should feel during their cycle, especially since they’re usually telling you that you are disgusting and unclean… UNLESS you use their artificial, chemically, floral scented OMG THIS TAMPON WILL GIVE YOU TSS AND CANCER products. Fuck that. I’m much happier using natural products (The Keeper, Moon Cup, Diva Cup, unbleached organic tampons, sea sponge, etc.) that don’t make my girl parts feel like a research lab.
Wholly cramp woman! Get a grip! I know that there are people out there like you that have really horrible monthly visits, but thankfully for mankind not all of us do. Not even the majority. It’s woman like you that make it hard for the rest of us to avoid the “bitch” moniker. They have pills for these things! TAKE SOME! Take several as a matter of fact. You don’t need to suffer and we shouldn’t have to in your wake. I was humored at first by your rant, but I started to pity you when it became apparent that your visit from your “Aunt” seems to rule your life. Stop the maddess and stop enjoying your self-loathing. Period, and a happy one at that.
Victoria: Is your comment directed at me, the author of the letter, or another commenter?
It’s directed at you. I’m very sorry that you’re one of those women that has really “un” happy monthlies. My best friend has them like that too, and I still have a hard time dealing with her when she gets all super emotional and crazy. Mine are 31 days start to start. Doesn’t every woman know when she’s about to start? Can’t you acknowledge that and up the B12, go get a massage, take a long walk, SOMETHING!? Your letter is very funny and you totally seem like the type of woman I would hang out with, but (you saw that coming) your letter did start to get a little, well, creepy. I mean “hunting rifle”, really? These days you gotta be very careful about saying those kind of things, but I live in California. What do I know of Australia.
For all I know you just wrote a funny letter and you weren’t basing it on your own reaction to “the curse”. Personally if I could make one wish it would be that every man on this planet would have to experience one full season, 3 to 4 months, of monthly visits from the Ms. Hyde. Wouldn’t that change the world!
Oh, I get it. You are NOT the author of the letter. (no I’m not blonde) It was directed at the author, not you. Wow, brain fart. Sorry. By the way, my friend that I spoke of, she’s the one that forwarded this to me and she said “She’s a goddess if you ask me.” Anyway, have a lovely day, night, afternoon?
I was going to write a response to this “Christopher” character but the rest of you gals have said it all! So, Thanks to the girlfriends for representing so well! ( To the few women who just can’t get “on board” with others that have a difficult time with their periods…how can you be so narrow? Do you think because you don’t have any of these problems, no one else should either? We’re all made differently…D’uh??? Ever heard of Endometriosis? Chemical Imbalances? This is like Tom Cruise telling Brooke Sheilds she shouldn’t have Post Partum Depression!!! Let’s try “understanding” as an exercise??
Google Wendi Aarons – It’s for real! It was a blog that she wrote.
Given that, it’s supposed to be funny and is not meant to be taken any more seriously than any other comedic medium. Take it at face value, have a laugh, and appreciate it for what it is.
You know the old adage ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’? I’m really struggling to subscribe to that and not respond to Christopher’s ignorant comment, but I simply can’t do it.
I just can’t resist the comment about ‘just having that uterus removed’. I mean, let’s for a moment be real here. Have a major organ simply removed from my body for convenience’s sake before I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready or willing to bear children? Would you like to have a testicle removed? Or perhaps a kidney? I mean hey, you don’t need both. We could take one of your lungs while we’re at it, and get rid of my boobs too. I mean, one less organ to worry about getting cancer in and we could lose a few pounds while we’re at it. Plus, I’m sure insurance would cover it. If not, it’s probably pretty cheap to have major surgery like that. Pesky organs.
No side effects or recovery period either, I’m sure.
But in lieu of that, let’s just go on drugs to curb a normal, natural process that our bodies are designed to go through. Everything can be ‘cured’ with a pill these days, why not this too? And while we’re at it, why not just forego vaginal birth in favor of c-sections! Even if it’s not medically necessary in all cases, why, it would be MUCH more convenient! You can schedule it in advance, and avoid all the time that regular labor and delivery might take. That would really free up your schedule, wouldn’t it?
Everyone is different. The human body is an amazing thing. My own experience and process with PMS has changed since I hit puberty, and the pill once worked for me and then no longer did. It began to make me feel out of synch, not myself, and oh by the way? It also made my hair fall out and gave me nasty migraines. I tried many different pills over the years, and none of them did the trick. Eventually I went off of them, and I would take the killer cramps and mood swings created by my own body and hormones any day over something a pill manufactures for me in my body. That’s my choice, and I am just thankful that I have the luxury to choose.
PS – Amen on the Brooke Shields/Tom Cruise comment – that’s exactly what went through my head here, too!
I am British, I don’t understand why you say the letter is full of British spelling. There are loads of American forms which appear in the letter (and by your reckoning should have been spelt differently), such as ‘realize’ and ‘ass’, while the phrase ‘kudos’ is definitely not used over here, nor do we have a Walgreen’s. Anyway, it’s definitely American. That doesn’t make it any more ‘authentic’ though, not that that matters.
e: When I mentioned British spelling, I was referring to words like “favourite” and “behaviour”. I didn’t mean to suggest that the letter came from the UK.
The mixture of British and Americanized spelling probably makes it more likely to have come from a country like mine, where “-ize” is just as acceptable as “-ise”. Then again, I don’t know that Motrin is sold outside of the US, so maybe it has just been bastardized with each forwarded email.
I honestly had no idea that posting this humourous letter would provoke such strong responses. Periods are Very Serious Business!
I really hope my boyfriend doesn’t see me EVER like the histerical woman who wrote this letter. I mean, I can simpathise with the unhappy females who have to endure pain and bad mood swings, but as someone said before me, just see a doctor about that and follow some treatment to reduce the simptoms! YOU are the one who can do something about the way YOU feel, NOONE ELSE!And the others should’t have to go through the suffering of putting up to your nervous fits just because you are in pain. Take a pill sister and get over it! You are a woman and start acting like a real one, not a sissie!
In response to all the above… I quite literally spat my coffee on my keyboard whilst reading that letter I was laughing so hard.
I do suffer horrendous periods, both before during and after, I too sometimes would castrate a passing stranger simply for looking at me in the wrong way, or indeed burst into tears because I broke a nail….
I can not believe the strong feelings this has provoked in people, whether you are male or female, whether you suffer with pms or not, surely no one can mistake the comedic value of this letter and I’m guessing that it was for this reason that it was posted and instead of damning your fellow woman for having bad periods should we not be congratulating her on her fantastic skills in writing a very funny letter.
That is all. x
Wow, I’m not sure whether to comment on the letter or what…
It’s hilarious. Whenever I’ve seen that “have a happy period” slogan I’ve always wound up rolling my eyes. Right, because it’s just SO MUCH FUN to be doubled over in pain as your uterus decides it’s going to initiate a revolt. Or to be fifteen minutes late in taking your Motrin and trying to find some way to bow out gracefully because you know the pain is coming.
@ Christopher; well, with a name like that, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.
And @ Victoria and the “Doesn’t every woman know when she’s about to start?” comment…if I am not on birth control, my period might be every three weeks or two months, and I’m PMSing for three weeks before it. I’m a college student and I can’t afford to keep myself on birth control, so instead I just suffer from having to anticipate it ALL the time. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t be sexually active right now, because I would always be worried that I could possibly be pregnant. I am jealous as heck of those who can predict when their periods will start. I am still waiting for mine to reach that point.
hi there
I am guy if you are wondering, I don’t really agree with what christopher was saying but in the rainforests, women there only have about 3 periods a year. So I am always curious as to why western women have so many more.
Though I am not a woman I have heard that during your period sex can allieviate the pain involved, so perhaps during ur period if your not too yucked out by the mess, having sex might help reduce cramps
In the uk there has been news of some drugs that aren’t contreceptive pills, but something that scientists supposedly say these new pills will stop a woman’s period forever. how true this info is I am not sure, but thought I let you know anyhow.
To Sam: You are right about sex helping to relieve cramps. I’ve found that manual stimulation works just as well, though. Having shower sex can be nice, as well.
As for stopping a period forever (or at least for a indefinite amount of time), there are several ways of doing this and none of them are good for a woman’s body at all. A woman menstruates because she is shedding the lining of her uterine wall. This monthly(ish) renewal of uterine tissue is essential in order to have a healthy reproductive system. Even if a woman isn’t currently interested in having children, or has decided never to bear children, it is incredibly harmful to her body to “just stop” a natural function. This sort of unnatural interruption leads to hormonal imbalances and possibly infections. The hormonal imbalances can cause cancers to form.
In regards to the “rainforest women” of which you spoke, where did you get this information? I’ve heard of women who have inadequate nutrition, great deals of stress, or rapid weight loss having their periods only infrequently, but this isn’t normal. This is a sign of your body malfunctioning. A normal, healthy woman has her period regularly, every 25-30 days.
I think American women (and those from similar Western cultures) probably have their periods worse than others. Whereas we certainly get plenty to eat, what we eat is often chock full of hormones, antibiotics, pesticides and chemicals. And then we wonder why our bodies react painfully and unpleasantly when we load it up with toxins. If you have a really bad, painful period, try exercising and eating healthy and drinking plenty of water for several months. See how the anger, sadness, breast tenderness and cramps become much more bearable. See how your cycle becomes more regular. You’ll be amazed. You know, if you can get off your lazy butts!!
This may be the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks. Oh my goodness. The writer of this letter is either sitting in a psych ward or she’s been discovered and given a spot on prime time. Oh my goodness she is hilarious.
Austin (but not the writer of the pad letter)
That letter was so hilarious. Wendi Aarons should be in comedy..that was hysterical. Every woman I have known has had times like these. Maybe not all the time..but we know what she is talking about.
And I guess I won’t comment on all those lecturing comments, everyone has a right to an opinion. Well, maybe I will comment on one. Maria, before you write a letter chastising someone’s personal view on her period..maybe you should learn to spell better. It might be taken more seriously.
I have to agree with this woman. When they have those commercials and the lady says in a nice calm voice ‘Have a happy period’, you just wanna hurt someone. I think having things like “put the hammer down’ on the box would be more appropriate, along with commercials with woman who aren’t happily galloping around in white clothing.
lol….I have had the same reaction to the silly little note ” Have A Happy Period”. I have a middle of the road cycle I guess….28-29 days and cramps for a day or so but seldom debilitating any more. But I used to have those horrible I am going to kill the sob kind. What changed? I have no idea…could they go back to being bad of course. Let’s not diss on someone simply because you believe it is a simple thing to over come. It isn’t for everyone and “taking a pill” doesn’t always work. Yes natural herbal treatments are available and yes some women even those with severe symptoms get tremendous relief from them. But they don’t work for everyone. I eat an extremely healthy diet and exercise daily, I also do yoga, tai chi and meditation. I get moody and crampy. I use nature products 90% of time but use “the Happy Period” products for the heaviest day. So explain why I still have issues? You can’t. So lay off the ladies and be grateful you are blessed with Happy Periods!
This is hysterical, most ladies can relate, at least 2-3 times a year it can get pretty rough.
To Christopher, Some women, for medical reasons, cannot take the pill. Once you reach a certain age your period gets worse for about 10 years and there are strong health risks associated with the pill for us not in the younger set. If you’ve never had a period, remarking on one is very adolescent of you.
If I could reach across cyberspace, I might kill
Christoper. There are ways to ‘avoid’…avoid having
a painful period? Avoid having a period…
I was proscribed codeine for the pain.
I have a friend who was proscribed morphine.
Of course, if I take the codeine for the pain,
I can’t go to work. Isn’t that wonderful? Choice
pain and work, no pain and unconsciousness.
Gee…
I have had three children.
The pain with some of these ‘happy’ periods has
made child birth pale.
Fortunately for me, the Lord provided a cure…
menopause. I don’t know how many of you embrace menopause as a lover, but trust me…
I have never felt better.
Christopher,
You know nothing worth sharing. Think about keeping quiet until you actually have some information that will not make women want to hurt you. I am guessing it has been quite some time since you have actually had a girlfriend? As a woman who was unable to leave the house 2 days a month for fear of humiliating myself I personally wish to beat you with your own penis.
After trying many medical treatments, I was forced to surgically remove my period parts. This is not something all women are willing or able to do. If taking the pill were the cure all, no one would be dealing with “happy periods”. In the future do not speak for women.
As for the letter. Sure it is probably fake, but it is still funny!
[...] making your own cookbook (and being able to add on to it later!)- this woman who tells P&G to shove it- Martha’s instructions on making wire plate hangers (more on this later!)- housewares from [...]
Christopher needs to reverse his order, what supposed to come out his ass is coming out his mouth, bullshit. Dude get real, and I agree with Kate, in the future “don’t speak for women” you dumb ass idiot. I too would like to beat him with his penis. Do you think there is a way around hiding the dumb ass posts, so that we don’t have to see what idiots really exist in this world.
Get f’ing real.
[...] have been following the discussion in this post with great amusement over the past week or so. It seems that when it comes to women and their [...]
As part of my application for Sainthood, I’m going to pretend that Christopher is of the opinion that period pains are no worse than minor indigestion and can be cured by a teaspoon of pepto.
All through the ages women have borne this anguish as if it was their lot in life and drug companies have tossed minor crap at us, downplaying the disabling nature of bad periods.
When I first got my period it was nothing. Didn’t know I had it. As I got older, and after my third child, I really learned the nature of pain.
You have a baby, you go through pain, and it ends. When you have periods as I did, it doesn’t end.
If the public was more aware of the nature of
the pain, perhaps there would be some sort
of medication between aspirin and codeine
where the pain would be gone but we’d be
able to function.
ohh… all of us women are so damn lucky to have someone like christopher who obviously understands exactly how it is.
all my flooding, intense pain and downright cranky behaviour are obviously unnecessary. Throw stuff at me and have chemicals to control it all. hell… lets whip it all out and not be bothered at all. I have large breasts as well that tend to get in the way when i am laying on my front at the beach.. lets whip them off as well. My finger hurts occasionally, lets whip it off.
I can not imagine any woman lasting very long in Christophers life once her friend aunt flo arrives. the question i have here is… Where was his mother? No sisters? This person is obviously from a total male household where no-one was confronted with the reality of the female cycle. What a shock it will be for him if he ever gets involved with a female that isn’t on a screen or magazine.
Getting back to the original email… in Australia where I am, some brands of napkins have interesting facts and occasional funny stories or something to kinda make you smile if you take the time to read them. If someone had printed, have a happy period… I would look in horror amidst my cramping and ick and have very much the same reaction. I am so happy someone took the time to write this not to mention thanking the person for posting it here for all to have a great giggle over.
Next life tho.. i am going to be a man
Golf and fishing will be my friends.
Wow! I am so glad I’m over 50 and postmenopausal. I remember the days of raging hormones and hiding away somewhere quiet so I wouldn’t bite heads off.
Isnt it great how the myth of women’s troubles are kept alive by women? I always think it’s wonderful that a few days out of every month I can blame my hormones for my abnormal behaviour. Hurrah! Let’s pray men never find out that THEIR hormonal rollercoaster is much more up and down than a woman’s will ever be. As for the pain? Well, not denying that, but then again there are a myriad of painkillers available these days.
I have one positive word to say about my wonderful “monthly cycle,” SEX. I can’t tell you how much I want sex before I start.This is how my body tells me, “that time of the month” is near. I guess I am one of the few lucky women in this world that doesn’t want to kill someone because my hormones are going crazy. I get emotional by not not “psycho”. It’s not always been this way, I used to get those feelings but somehow I just don’t anymore. That said, I think we can all laugh at how this has got one group of people to completely open up about an issue we wouldn’t normally even consider talking about. Simply because a guy named Christopher posted a comment he clearly knew nothing about. I think he will reconsider he actions next time. Or maybe research the issue before posting a dumb ass comment on a subject, clearly directed toward women. After all how could he possibly try to give advise in an area he is so uneducated in. It would be similar to a woman giving advise on erectile dysfunction, by stating “hey just cut the penis off”. Problem solved.
p.s. Have A Happy Erectile Dysfunction Christopher. Just whack it off ………………………literally. Be all the man you can be.
Wow – and ROFL….by the time I got to the end of the comments, I believe another 28 days have passed and it’s that time again whether happy or not…I do not know what’s funnier – the original post – or all the following comments….I must forward this to show everyone…
As for feeling super sexy just right before – that’s because your hormones get a jump and surge just right before your Auntie Emme’s arrival, hence leaving you with strong sexual urges…I too am also one of those lucky one’s – and well – wing or no wings….it’s my time to fly…warm regards to all who posted!
To the stupid female creatures – victoria and maria, primarily:
To berate a woman for a natural cycle that one cannot relate to is a form of self-hatred in itself. Instead of acknowledging that you are fortunate that you do not have a monthly situation that makes your life miserable, these stupid female abominations attack the women who do. Their lack of compassion is why they deserve the destitution that inevitably awaits them.
These female abominations are usually punished by having husbands and boyfriends who cheat on them with dominatrices whom they pay to behave the way that REAL women don’t have the luxury of choosing to do.
Remember that the next time you embarrassments to femininity believe your own crap about how much “he loves you”.
At best having blood pouring from an orifice of your body is really annoying and uncomfortable, at the worst it can put you in a living hell for days. Last time I read Websters dictionary those words (annoying, uncomfortable, and hell) weren’t categorized as happy words.
As a woman who has menses I can say the only time I’ve been barely happy to see aunt flo was after I (being safely sexually active, yet still paranoid about pregnancy) had a 2 month sabbatical, and that relief lasted for 15 minutes or less, then it seemed like my body had to make up for lost time. Either that or I got unused to the baggage that comes with aunties arrival.
The point I’m making is, whatever side of the spectrum you’re coming from, offering an inane comment like “have a happy period” is inconsiderate to women who live with inconvenience or hell every month for the majority of their lives.
And Christopher, I recommend you go get a sex change, have a couple years worth of periods, and then come back and comment on the ease of reducing PMS.
YOU GO WENDI!!!
This is the conversation that I had with my mom about Alway’s “Happy Period” slogan.
Sheli: Ma did you SEEEEE what Always new slogan is?!?
Mom: Yeah (eye roll here)… I did. What a joke… “happy period?” “HAPPY Period?!?”
Sheli: (looks in disbelief) I KNOW… some man wrote that slogan.”
Mom: Yeah, some man DID write that. Cuz no woman that’s ever had a period would ever attach the word “happy” to it.
Sheli: Yep. Lets go find him and kick him in the balls.
Mom: Ok… (heads for door–we were really heading out shopping) got your purse?
Sheli: Always. (smiles at her pun)
ALWAYS THAT SLOGAN SUCKS AND IT PRETTY MUCH PISSED OFF ALL YOUR WOMEN BUYERS AT ITS UNINSIGHTFULNESS. NEXT TIME RUN YOUR SLOGAN PAST A WOMAN BEFORE YOU SPEND MILLIONS ON IT. AND… THAT GIRL NARRATING ON THE COMMERCIAL… YOU KNOW SHE USE TO BE THE TEENAGER GIRL ON THAT TV SHOW 227… SHAME SHAME… SHAME… SISTA GIRL DIDN’T EVEN CHECK A BROTHER SHE JUST WENT STRAIGHT TO THE BANK. SHAME SHAME!
[...] being the gem of a guy that he is, showed me an article written by a woman. A very humorous but accurate description of the pains we go through monthly [...]
THANK YOU, Jaylar!! I have had painful periods since my teens. Doctors’ reactions have ranged from “Deal with it,” to a prescription for vicodin (thankfully). I’m relieved to know I’m not alone with this issue. Christopher, imagine you had pain so intense that it made you throw up (like someone kicked you in your balls, assuming you have any); imagine it was constant and unceasing…and you went to a doctor for help, and they told you, “Deal with it and move on.” How would you feel? I felt angry and desperate and still in pain. Oh, and btw, dipwad, this is while I AM taking birth control pills. And I had an unmedicated childbirth–and sometimes period pain is much, much worse. Why is it you are offered copious pain medication in labor, but not during a period? Does that make sense?!
Caitlin, totally agree, too!
And I really loved the original post–hilarious. This has been very…liberating. I really hate that enjoy your period slogan, too.
When I first got my period it was fine outside of
the hemmoraging which produced such anemia in
me I had to go for biweekly injections.
The discomfort of simply losing blood from an orifice
was my main problem, and I didn’t imagine that one day the pain of it would be so great that I would be proscribed codeine…(a friend of mine is
proscribed Morphine)…
I can not work if I take to codeine, hence it was a choice of…pain and work, no pain and dope stupor.
What was my bastion of safety was blessed depo-
provena which gave me period free months…
In fact, I would take it, then take it three months later, and it would keep my period away for a year.
I’d get the first period which would be ‘okay’
then the second which would try to make up for
the pain, and get another shot.
For me, menopause was a blessing.
I can not stress enough how bad the pain was,
and the medical mentality to either tell you to
‘deal with it’ or use some hokey crap, or proscribe narcotics so you’ll be unconscious most of the time.
To begin with, after starting to read this I began to laugh so hard I thought I would break. Then came to mind about the government starting a special elite group “Amazonian PMS Squad”, of course they only work once a month. But the devastation and destruction would cover the rest of the month.
I thankfully no longer have to go thru this every month. I had a hysterectomy at the age of 47 due to cervical cancer, and can’t do hormone therapy. I had Breast cancer surgery the year prior and went thru chemo and radiation therapies. My tumor was estrogen fed, so no hormones and nothing with soy (soy turns in to estrogen in a woman’s body). So as my husband would say I get to go thru that monthly turmoil everyday.
Gee never thought of the george forman grill……thanks for the idea;).
My family would avoid me at all cost during my cycle, and looking back I don’t blame them…..oh wait a minute they call that PMDD now. It is probably was a good thing I never say that on my pads or I would have hunted the genius down and taken my frustrations out on “him”. The thought of a “Happy Period” is moronic to say the least.
I was laughing so hard it took me awhile to get through this letter. And the commentary has been just as entertaining.
In my opinion, men are the weaker sex because they don’t go through what females have to!
Men don’t realize how easy they have it.
Oh wow…. I think you guys scared the little boys (I’m not sure they deserve to be called men) away. Nice. ^.^
Yeah, periods suck. I’m only 15 (today’s my birthday!) and it’s already intensely painful for me. Like, every month I end up lying on my bed crying cause it hurts so much and I don’t want to take pain relievers since those can f you up. =/
Guys seriously have no idea…. >.<
[...] Read it all here: scarletwords.com/2008/02/29/forwarded-email-of-the-day [...]
I dont know about other guys, I always prep myself with a hot water bottle or a pack, and a crap load of chocolates and oil massages when my girl is on the rags.
@Patty,
time to grow up, there is never equality in gender, and neither one is (or will be) stronger than the other.
If you can’t see from multiple perspectives, you are just a frog in a well.
Wow, I’m in awe of all the responses in here. I’m almost afraid to put my two cents in *shifty eyes*…
I think I have to agree that this letter was obviously meant to be humorous and that’s DEFINATELY what I got out of it.
Thank-you for making me smile today!
Much Appreciated
oh come on! some women do have pain and very intense periods, but others just use it as an excuse to be bitchy… it’s not that big a deal if you don’t make it a big deal… use some tampons and get some aspirin or whatever and that is it, come on!!!
Or some Midol, YES!! That stuff is fanfrickintastic and I’d just like to say to who ever invented it, You Rock
Beautiful! Completely beautiful! This completely made my day and I’ve stumbled it to everyone I know!
I hate to be an internet poster, but I have to. Christopher. You’re dumb.
Second, when I quit being an intense athlete several months ago, I started getting violently sick every month. Craps, headaches, heat flashes, cold flashes, moodswings, vomiting, dizzy spells, you name it, i had it. (not to mention the obvious Niagra Falls of blood flushing itself down my legs faster than I could ever hope to catch it.) It took three months to convince my mother that I really was feeling these symptoms (I wasn’t a “legal adult” at the time so I had to vomit all over my Calc II classroom in order to convince her) and I visited my doctor. He instantly understood my issue and gave me some great B.C. Granted, I was totally skeptical on having B.C. because I’m not one for taking medication unless if I need to…but my GOD it has helped me so much. I know it doesn’t help everyone, but I am so blessed that it has helped me. I have my life back!
So yes, the pill is awesome sometimes. But I totally want this Christopher dude, and all the other men out there, to realize that I am not taking it because I want to have sex. That’s something that guys need to remember. 50-75% of the time, we take this stuff to help give ourselves a break. What issue do they have that even marginally compares to a menstrual cycle? Morning wood? Bah!
There, i’m done!
<3 Obi!
I suppose that when I was young and my period wasn’t
‘that bad’ I might of thought that other women were just
using it for an excuse.
Of course, then came the intense pain and the hemoraging.
If Christopher had come within spitting distance, or those
so called biological females who think we are putting on, when Aunt Flo was in control, I would not be responsible for my actions.
Having enjoyed menopause
and seeing young women with their bags
of pads or packs of tampons, whose face is
breaking out, and who have to lie down or are
doubled over in pain, I realise that if a man had
to suffer this, it would have been ‘cured’ long ago.
Periods are no joke and not happy. This isn’t losing
a table spoon of blood painlessly over five days, this
is losing a pint of blood that feels as if it is being torn
from your gut over three/four days.
I’ve had three kids with no medication, and some of
my cramps are as close to labour pains as one can
get. And I’ve lost so much blood I was anemic.
Not every women has painful periods, I didn’t until I
was 30. Not every woman loses a lot of blood; I know
women who can use a few sheets of toilet paper as
a napkin without much problem.
But a lot of us do have serious problems. And because of the mindcontrol where we were taught to put up with it, and suffer it silently, millions of women did so
and do so.
A happy period comes at the end of this sentence.
Are you people crazy?! Why are so many of you taking the slogan “Have a happy period” so personally? The slogan is being used for their product….not your “Aunt Flo”. Always thinks that if their product is better and easier to use, you wont be so pissy about everything, and maybe the fact that they modified it better so you wont leak 2 hours after inserting your tampon. They’re not saying that when you get your period, you should be happy, its simply saying “have a better period, cuz we’ve made our product easier and less of a hassel for you to use”. I’m sure most of you who ‘chimed in’ on this story were already on your period, and it made you feel better to bitch at eachother. Get over your bitchyness, people don’t really want to read about how you’re period is “the end of the world cuz it hurts so much”….if you don’t want a kid, a period is so much better! So, have a happy period!
JNK…obviously a guy…he clearly doesn’t understand that the letter author wasn’t even talking about tampons.
Anyone with a penis is wholly unqualified to comment about the menstrual experience. May those of you who dismiss the agony that is Aunt Flo have your eyes poked out by a raging woman in an Estrogen Storm, and the mess mopped up with a dry-weave maxi-pad.
I also must say that the poster “Moment” is heaping over with bad information. You can safely dismiss her warnings of hormonal doom as the bean sprout and soy-soaked ramblings of a yoga madwoman with a Dixie Cup in her vagina.
I absolutely adore Annie’s response. As with abortion/pregnancy/ no one with a penis is qualified to give opinions.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never trolled male web sites giving men advice and telling them how they are supposed to feel, think, act….
Guess we haven’t come very far when men still believe they have the right to tell us how we feel or should feel.
I don’t understand why the anyone feels the need to rip someone to pieces for wishing you a happy period. If you were having a particularly crappy day and I said “Good morning” would you tear me a new one, too? So just because YOU have bad periods, the rest of us have to act like it’s a curse too?
Excuse me if I don’t think they’re that bad.
Leann; the word is ‘insensitive’. Having a
Happy Period….
“Have a Happy Funeral.”
“Have a Happy Mastectomy”
As far as the British spelling it could have been written from Canada, us Canuks share alot of the British spelling. I loved the letter tho, my girlfriend forwarded to me. She has a tough monthly but it gives me a chance to buy her flowers and take care of her every month. I’ve learned so much about the period on this page tho, thanks for all the good info everyone. I especially like the tea idea’s I’ll be sure to buy some for my girly. And just to piss all the woman on here off. I hope you all have a happy period. (jking)
U idiots are jobless… Go do sumthing worthwile and let these bitches pour their bloody period emotions here….
Happy victimhood, ladies
I’m sure you wouldn’t be happy without a pad… Blood all over, no control… so a period with a pad/tampon to keep things in check for us, is a happier period than it could be. And I think that is what the slogan was suppose to mean. Don’t take things so seriously. It’s an ad!
Christopher:
You are retarded.
You have a penis. What the hell would you know about periods and birth control? Not a damn thing.
The only birth control method I know of that actually eliminates a woman’s period is the depo shot.. which is not in any way healthy. I tried it when I was young and naiive and ended up being on my rag for EIGHT MONTHS STRAIGHT! Yeah.. don’t get me started on that shit.
As for using birth control pills to regulate – yes they help. They help make the period lighter and more bearable as well. I’ve been much more comfortable than I used to be since beginning Marvelon. However.. it does NOT eliminate symptoms. I still spend 4 days a month bloated, cramped and miserable.
Once again, I just want to say fuck you, Christopher.
Sara, I feel you on that depo thing. Same thing happened to me. Tried birth control pills after that and they also kept me on the rag continuously.
I have never had a HAPPY period. There is nothing happy about it. It’s disgusting, painful and you can look forward to it every thirty days for approx. five days until you get old enough for menopause. What’s happy about that?
I just want to say a couple of things. First, this letter was freakin hilarious!! I get that it was written in good fun and I’m sure the smart, mature people who read it understand that too, and only posted the comments because they can relate. You know the whole it’s funny because its true thing…
It seems that the only ones taking this seriously are the ones telling everyone to STOP taking it seriously! GEEZ! Lighten up.
FOr the record, I’m 28. I started my period when I was 8 and since the 5th grade they have been pure torture. I actually begged my doc for a hysterectomy when I was about 24, but was told I was too young. I dread my period every month. I have all symptoms named here and then some. Anemia so bad, I’ve been hospitalized, and had blood transfusions. My best friend- who can actually wear white when aunt flo is around, the lucky bitch- has been more sympathetic than anyone, even my doctors, and it really pisses me off that other women who commented can make such stupid, insensitive comments to other women. Whatever happened to solidarity? Just the fact that blood leaks out of your body makes you one of us, whether you like it or not. Can you honestly say you enjoy your time of the month?