Elizabeth June 1st, 2008
Remember that scene from Run Fatboy Run, when Dennis finally begins training for the marathon, and the only reason he doesn’t stop is because Mr. Goshdashtidar is following him on his scooter and hitting him with a spatula?
Well, right now I need a Mr. Goshdashtidar in my life. Somebody to remind me that I am neglecting some important aspects of my life, and to keep the spatula just a few inches from my butt. But since I don’t have a crazy Indian landlord with a scooter and kitchen utensils, I thought I’d write about it here instead.
I’ve decided to embrace the start of a new month by making some positive changes.
The truth is that I’ve been in a bit of a slump for the last couple of months. I’ve been working in my new job for a few months now, and the situation there has become pretty hard to bear. I’m lucky enough to share my role with a girl who has become a good friend, but she’s the one oasis in an otherwise miserable workplace.
Things are going well in other aspects of my life, of course. Tim and I have gone from strength to strength, our little dog has adjusted to his new life really well, and Melbourne is still an incredible place to explore in our free time. We’re slowly making new friends in this city, and I think both of us are now feeling completely at home here. I feel lucky to have so much good stuff happening in my life.
But in many ways this job is ruining me. It’s a job where I really don’t get any personal satisfaction whatsoever. I don’t leave at the end of the day feeling like I have achieved something. I don’t derive any enjoyment from the menial tasks that I do, because they contribute very little and somebody else gets the credit for them anyway. I don’t get to help clients or coworkers in any sort of meaningful way. I don’t have any opportunity to extend myself and grow as a person - every day is exactly the same as the day before.
All this would be bearable if I was making more money, because I could be making better use of my free time. I could focus on saving up for a new computer to replace the one that is breaking, or the hot air balloon ride that I am dying to take someday soon. I could treat myself to a kickass all-day breakfast whenever I felt like it, or buy myself a couple of new shirts for work. The sad reality is that my salary covers my bills - and nothing more. Living month-to-month is just something I have to do right now.
The long-term plan is to use the “experience” that I am gaining to ask more of my next position. When I took this job I had just come out of a long period of self-employment, one that gave me very little to offer in an office environment. I am surviving all of this by reminding myself that it’s not forever - there is more out there and next time I can have it. It’s the short-term plan that has left me stumped, and caused me to neglect myself and the stuff I care about.
So for the last two months I’ve been undoing all the hard work I did at the beginning of the year with my diet and exercise. As you’ve noticed, I’ve badly neglected this blog. I haven’t been writing in my paper journal, haven’t listened to any new music, haven’t sought out or created any art. My workdays just drain me of energy and creativity, and even the desire to take care of myself properly. It really can’t go on.
So I’ve made a few decisions…
Firstly, I’ve decided to use part of my workdays in ways that benefit me personally. I might start by writing in my paper journal in my lunch hour, and using quieter parts of the day to plan/write blog posts. I’m still not comfortable blogging from work, but I can at least email them to myself and publish them from home. I have zero remorse in using work time for personal endeavours, since my workplace provides me with so little. My work will still get done.
Secondly, I want to start making my lunches more often in order to cut out some of the bad stuff I’m eating. I’ve been finding it really hard to eat well with the onset of Winter, but putting it in the “too hard” basket isn’t an option. From now on, Sunday to Thursday is dedicated to eating well - no matter what. That means less bread, rice and potatoes. More salad, maybe with soup. The plan is to eat my biggest meal in the middle of the day, and better plan my meals at night.
Thirdly, I need to get more exercise. It’s dark when I leave for work in the morning, and dark again when I leave the office. I start work at 8am, and it takes me an hour to get there. Exercising in the morning is basically not an option, since I am already getting up at 5:30 just to make it out the door on time. I need to find ways of exercising at night, even though it’s dark and cold and I just want to fall into bed.
Fourthly, I really really need to get stuck back into my 101 Things in 1001 Days list. I’ve actually managed to cross a couple of items off my list in the last couple of months without really trying (I’ll write about these in a later post), but I’ve stopped using it as a tool for keeping me on track with my goals. I’m looking forward to getting that positive momentum back in my life.
And lastly…
This blog has been a really big motivator for me, thanks to the comments and emails that you guys send me from time to time. It certainly wasn’t a deliberate decision that caused me to stop writing here - just a general case of “the blahs” that made it seem too hard. I’d like you guys to think of yourselves as the wooden spoon hovering right near my butt, and giving me a bit of a slap if you notice me falling off the wagon.
With that in mind, I’d appreciate it if you’d leave me a comment with any ideas you have for making these changes. I’m particularly interested in hearing how you eat well in Winter when all you can think about is potatoes and steak and pasta and ohmygod did I mention potatoes?
