Elizabeth July 2nd, 2008
It is day two of my New Financial Year Resolution diet, and it sucks. I am craving all sorts of stuff that I wasn’t even eating last month, simply because I’m not allowed to have it this month.
I am acutely aware of how dumb that is.
So you can imagine my relief when I found my soulmate on YouTube today, thanks to Dooce…
Elizabeth March 4th, 2008
I have posts that need writing, emails that need answering, and a floor that needs a good vacuum. Unfortunately, I’m having one of those weeks where other stuff has taken over. Hopefully things will be back to normal in a few days!
In the meantime, check out the latest altered Garfield strips to hit my inbox. They’re almost as good as Garfield Minus Garfield!
Elizabeth February 29th, 2008
I am loving this comic so much right now. I’ve been sitting here hitting ‘random’ for 20 mins, and it’s nothing but gold.
Elizabeth February 29th, 2008
I’m not sure that I quite believe the source of this letter, given that it’s full of British spelling, but it’s funny all the same!
This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best web mail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, Mr. Thatcher, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control, maniacal behaviour.
You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants…
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’
Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager male brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘ Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best, Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
Not that I would know anything about the emotions she’s describing. Nope, not me.
No, siree.
Elizabeth February 26th, 2008
Remember a few weeks ago, when Sarah Silverman was a guest on Jimmy Kimmel’s show? She used the opportunity to announce that she was cheating on him with Matt Damon, and the resulting video became hugely popular on YouTube.
Here’s the clip, in case you missed it:
Jimmy finally responded on his post-Oscars show last night. Some of the cameos in this video are awesome, but I think Brad Pitt and McLovin probably top the list.
As soon as a non-bleeped version appears on YouTube I’ll update this post, but until then it’s mostly “safe for work”.
Elizabeth February 26th, 2008
Shamelessly stolen from Jus.
This has got to be the cutest video on YouTube. Bet you can’t resist retting her into your heart!
If you’re not into babies singing Beatles tunes, maybe hotchickswithdouchebags.com is more your style?
Elizabeth February 25th, 2008
Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?
Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.
I know Tim can’t stand Garfield - I wonder if he’ll like it better this way? Either way, this is so going on my rss reader!
Thanks to Patrick for the link.
Elizabeth February 19th, 2008
If you watch this, promise me you’ll watch it until the end. I would write more, but I’m speechless.
Thanks to Real Live Preacher.
Elizabeth February 13th, 2008
This notice was apparently posted around town by Japanese students.
EDIT: Ralf has used his google-fu for good this time, and discovered that this is a prank. The number listed on the poster is a $1.05/min “Talking Clock”.
I bet I’d be furious if I’d actually called the number, but aside from that it’s such an awesome idea!
Elizabeth February 8th, 2008
Consider this a free pass to go nuts in the comments of this post. Go on, do your worst!
Elizabeth February 2nd, 2008
For those who don’t know, Hamish & Andy are comedians and radio personalities, with a regular spot on Rove.
Last year Rove did a Mothers Day special, in which all the mothers of the cast filled in for them during the show with hilarious results. My favourite part of the show was when Hamish & Andy hooked their mothers up to earpieces and concealed microphones, and sent them out into the street to do as they were told…
And since I’m in a Youtube mood, everybody really needs to see this fantastic Sarah Silverman clip from her interview with Jimmy Kimmel this week. Since we don’t get his show here in Australia, here’s a bit of background from Wikipedia:
Comedian Jimmy Kimmel often says: “Our apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time” near the end of his ABC television show Jimmy Kimmel Live, a gag lampooning instances where shows cannot feature their last guest due to time constraints. On September 12, 2006, after a segment highlighting the running gag and a lengthy introduction by Kimmel, Damon finally appeared on the show, only for Kimmel to apologetically cut his interview and head to credits, as Damon cursed him.
Got all that? Anyway, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have been together for years, and when she went on his show this week she presented him with this surprise:
Elizabeth January 31st, 2008
To my newly-engaged little cousin who is totally reading this: let’s make this happen!
Elizabeth January 30th, 2008
Don’t you just wish you could reach through your monitor sometimes, and do something about all the shitty-looking websites out there? I understand that not everybody is a designer, but how hard is it to pick a readable font?
Thanks to design-police.org for this 5-page printable “Visual Enforcement Kit”, and to Katie Chatfield for bringing them to my attention.
(Bonus points for pointing out which rules I’m breaking on this blog!)
| Completed: 16/101 | |||||||||
Keep track as I complete my 101 Things in 1001 Days challenge (commencing Jan 1st, 2008).
