Please, don’t thank me. Thank Lis.

This would still be a tragedy of monumental proportions if the Queen wasn’t in the photograph.

I’m sorry, friends. I guess I just didn’t want to go through this alone.

Over the past few years, NaBloPoMo has taught me that there will always be something to blog about. A few minutes ago I was sitting here with my WordPress window open, idly clicking around the web in search of something that I felt like writing about. And inspiration came to me.

Earlier this afternoon I got an email from Velocity, Virgin Blue’s frequent flyer program, announcing that I had been upgraded to their “Gold” membership. I was actually pretty pleased that I didn’t disregard it as spam, as I’m flying with them next week and thought it’d be nice to enjoy the lounge.

The email reads:

Hi Elizabeth Velocity Membership Number: #123456789

We’ve got a treat for you – a free upgrade to Velocity Gold! Given you came so close to making it on your own, we wanted to say thanks so much for your ongoing commitment to the Virgin Blue Group, we really love having you around.A golden year on us!

To find out what’s in store for you over the next 12 months, please keep reading.

Perks when travelling.

When you next fly with the Virgin Blue Group, we’ll make sure you’re treated like a VIP.

* It starts with free Lounge membership, so you can catch up on work, relax and escape the airport crowds.
* As before, you can breeze right through the airport with priority check-in.
* You now get up to 32kg of checked baggage at no cost.
* Plus, two personalised baggage tags (coming soon to your letterbox) and more.

If you’re already a member of The Lounge, naturally Virgin Blue will automatically refund the balance of your unused membership. Please allow up to 60 days for your refund to be finalised.

Easier to earn Points.

Being Gold you now earn 40% more Points for every dollar you spend or miles flown than Red, and can collect more Status Credits than ever before

Here to help you

If there’s anything you need to know, velocityrewards.com.au/gold is a great source of useful information. Should you prefer to chat, simply call 13 18 75 in Australia or +61 2 8667 5924 if calling internationally (if the line’s busy, rest assured you’ll jump straight to the head of the queue – just another little Gold benefit our Members enjoy).

The Velocity Team.

Sounds pretty good, right? Virgin is usually my airline of choice anyway, so I figured I’d make use of their offer.

Ah, but it just wasn’t to be.

You suck, Velocity – especially for inspiring me to write about my first-world problems on the internet!

“Warm regards”,
Member #123456789

Edited to add: I’ve had a good laugh after reading this article – sounds like some people got very upset about all this! It’s interesting to see the many different reactions to what was clearly one person’s mistake, although it seems to be widely acknowledged that the mistake wasn’t handled terribly well.

Helpful hint: take care when searching google images for “virgin sucks”. You’ll get more than pictures of aeroplanes.

A woman who tried to pass the written exam for a driver’s license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time.

The aspiring South Korean driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,500) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers’ license agency in Jeonju, 200 kilometres south of Seoul.

Police said Ms. Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.

Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Ms. Choi said.

Repeated calls to Ms. Cha seeking comment went unanswered. She told the Korea Times newspaper she needed the license for her vegetable-selling business.

via theglobeandmail.com

I’d like to share my thoughts on this, but when I read the article my brain exploded.

It’s one week until my birthday, and all I want is a pink dolphin.

NO, you’re not seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses: This albino dolphin is pink.

The unique bottlenose – first spotted in Lake Calcasieu, an inland saltwater estuary in Louisiana, by boat captain Erik Rue, 42, in 2007 – has surfaced again.

And comments from heavy-hitters including the US National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society suggest it’s real.

Is that really too much to ask? I have a really big bathtub, so everything’s ready to go…

After weeks of separation, Guy Ritchie has finally been reunited with his boys – but not without a long list of demands from his psycho ex. All evidence points to the fact that Madonna’s brain has short-circuited, resulting in this list.

The rules include:

- The children be able to talk to Madonna by phone three or four times a day at times set by her
- The couple’s separation not be discussed with the children
- The children be prevented from looking at newspapers, magazines, TV or DVDs
- They must only eat macrobiotic, vegetarian food with no processed or refined food
- Any water they drink, even if used to dilute organic juice, had to be Kabbalah water
- They only wear clothes sent by Madonna, but if something had to be bought, it should not contain man-made fibres
- They should not be bought any toys that are “spiritually or ethically unsound”
- Their hands must be regularly cleaned with disinfectant
- They must not to be photographed while with Ritchie or see his friends, particularly female ones
- At bedtime, Ritchie must only read The English Roses, a series of children’s books written by Madonna about “the five most fab young lasses in London”

If you can stomach any more of this, head to The Age.

I’d find this funny if it wasn’t so hypocritical. Thumbs down.

As part of this NaBloPoMo business I had every intention of writing a position statement about the plight of the modern-day goat and his struggle for recognition in a sea of aesthetically superior beasts.

Now I feel terribly embarrassed. Clearly they are not as marginalized as I thought.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you The “Most Beautiful Goat” competition.

I wonder if this competition was held directly after the “Most Chuggable Beer” competition? It would make sense that the same judges adjudicated both events.

Thanks to Sally for the link (now write your bloody thesis!)

Can anybody confirm that this guy can tie his own shoelaces? I am astounded.

99.98% of you look completely ridiculous.

My hope is that you look back on this period in your lives with a healthy mixture of shame and amusement – much like the time you bought those pants with the built-in skirt. Make no mistake – history will judge you.

I am hoping that Winter takes care of this alarming trend.